You've got to be kidding

Schools can be funny places.  They are full of kids. What else would you expect?  Since becoming a school administrator, I've had many encounters where it took everything I had not to burst out laughing. At times, I've excused myself to the men's room in order to avoid doubling over with laughter.  I would never laugh at kids (unless they were trying to be funny, of course) but I have to admit, they are definitely humorous.  Below are a few of my experiences:

On one campus, we had a teacher whose class was rough, to put it mildly.  It was not uncommon for me to have the clear the room to calm some of these students.  As you might expect, I often got a knot in my stomach when I was called there because I never knew what I was going to encounter.  On this particular day, I received a text that said simply, "Mr. Quarles, I need you right now!"  I headed that direction expecting the worst.  When I got to the door,  the teacher was standing there and when I looked in the room, the kids were working diligently. Plus, the district math coordinator was sitting at the back of the room.  When I looked at her, she just smiled.  I knew something was up.  The teacher took me by the arm and pulled me out of the room, looking like she had seen a ghost.  "Ok, what is going on?," I asked. "John just cut his eyebrows off."  I looked at her for about a second, glanced in at the math coordinator who by now was grinning like a Cheshire cat, stepped away from the door, and doubled over with laughter.  "THIS IS SERIOUS, MR. QUARLES," the teacher said in her strongest tone, to which I replied, "Yes, I know," and then doubled over again.  This went on for at least five minutes.  Every time I would get composed and try to enter the room, the laughter would hit again.  I finally got composed enough to remove the student and talk with him about why he had cut his eyebrows (they were too long) and then had the teacher call his mother about the incident.  To this day, she will not let me live down my laughing at her "serious" situation. 

One afternoon a teacher brought a little boy to my office and reported that he was urinating on the floor.  Fortunately, it was the bathroom floor.  I asked him why he was "peeing" on the floor.  "I don't know," he said.  I asked if he was trying to hit the hole in the floor like some of the boys will do.  "No," he said.  "I'm using the commode on the wall."  It took me a second to figure out he meant the urinal.  Next I called his mom to see if she could provide some insight on this.  "You know," she said, "he does the same thing at home.  I'd sure appreciate if you could figure this out, Mr. Quarles."  "Boy, that was helpful," I thought, with just a hint of inner sarcasm.  Finally, I did something I'd never done before.  I had the boy take me to the restroom where the incidents were occurring.  When we got there, I asked him to show me how he was using the urinal, without unzipping his pants, of course.  He proceeded to approach the urinal and stopped about five foot away. "No, stand where you normally do," I instructed him.  "This is where I stand," he said. Aha!! I think I figured this out.  We then had a mini-lesson on where boys stand when they use the urinal.  He honestly had no idea.  When I got back to my office and reflected on this, I had to laugh.  What appeared to be a discipline problem turned out to be a simple lack of understanding.  I never had another problem with him peeing on the floor.  

One morning, right after announcements, I was walking out of the cafeteria talking with a parent.  A kindergartner stepped out of the bathroom and loudly announced "Mr. Quarles, I sometimes say the Pledge of Allegiance when I'm pooping."  

One afternoon a parent brought in cupcakes for his daughter's birthday. He told the secretary they were for Amy's class and quickly left. The rest of the story is in the note below: 

This is one of those posts that I will be adding to periodically as new incidents occur.  Please feel free to share your own experiences in the comments.  I'd love to hear them.